Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Hardest...

This has got to be the hardest thing I have ever done. Letting my true feelings out... Never done this before. :/

Here recently, I have been realizing a lot of things about myself. I'm realizing that I'm really sad, majority of the time, but I just smile and hide it 24/7. I've never told anyone how I truly feel, cause I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I also feel ashamed for letting this out, but I feel like it has to be done.

For a while now, I've been really depressed. About life, about dating, etc. I realize now that something has to change, starting with my body. I can't stand to even look at myself anymore. I see so many girls and I wish I was there size. I know this is what is keeping me from being in a relationship - no guy is ever gonna be attracted to me with the way I look. I've always wanted that sweet, hand-holding, forever relationship, but I realize now that I'm never gonna get it looking like this. I honestly and truly dislike myself, so much. It hurts so much to admit it, but it's the truth. I'm tired of guys passing me by and just over-looking me, and never noticing me like I want them to.

And I'm really tired of skinny girls saying "oh I think I look fat, yada, yada, yada." Do you not know how sick it makes me feel? Do you not know how much I wanna burst out crying when you say something like that? It hurts more than anything in the world. It really does. And I'm tired of it.

I really really really need to find some self-confidence and start losing weight. I know it's gonna be hard, but I Need to do it, and do it fast. I wish I had someone by my side to help me, but I guess I'll have to depend on God 100% and let Him guide me through this. He can be my motivator and make me a better person.

Just pray for me, pray I can do this, that's all I ask.
Thank you...

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